Everything’s Going Great Despite What You’re Seeing, Hearing, and Thinking

Eric Reads The News is a daily humor column that spins politics, pop culture, fame, shadow and schadenfreude.


On Monday evening, President Trump left Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, where he had been treated over the weekend for symptoms related to COVID-19, and returned to the White House, where hundreds of housekeepers , Secret Service agents, staff members and duty staff report daily. He stepped out onto the balcony after filming a high-resolution promotional video in support of a public health crisis, and quickly ripped off his mask as Tom Cruise revealing yet another Impossible mission disguise. It was a show of force by a man who, according to the latest information on the CDC virus, is still highly contagious and according to his doctor is “not out of the woods yet”. But who cares about the woods? You want to talk about wood, go hide yourself and have a snack with Henry David Thoreau. Donald Trump has decided not to leave the woods because it is easier to just burn them around him.

american health virus
20,000 empty chairs have been set up on the Ellipse outside the White House to represent some of the more than 200,000 lives lost to COVID-19 in the United States.


This is possibly the most cursed balcony scene since Romeo and Juliet, but Trump’s dramatic reveal of the lower half of his face accomplished what she intended to do: prove to haters, losers, skeptics and medics that everything is going absolutely fine, despite all appearances. on the contrary. And appearance is really all it is about, isn’t it? After a whirlwind of a few days in the hospital which really put the “weekend” in Weekend at Bernie’sTrump must have been eager to return to the 24-hour stage he lives his life on. It has long been recognized that Trump is not good at politics, but has a knack for appearing on reality TV. Indeed, as revealed by the stunning New York Times report on the president’s dire state of finances eight days ago (remember eight days ago?), reality TV in the form of his concert on The apprentice was a lifeline. Income from The apprentice Helped him support him financially, turned him into a fictional character who later won the presidency, and helped him successfully take on $ 421 million in debt. I’m not a doctor, but for this patient, it would appear that a reality TV stunt is a necessary part of an aggressive treatment plan, just like Sally Field goes to the mall to get recognized. Soap dish. A sick man who publicly downplayed the virus seconds earlier, who mocked Joe Biden for wearing a large mask seven days earlier, and who assured the nation the virus would go away months earlier by itself declaring triumphant a virus that killed 1400 people. on weekends and then ripping off his mask may be completely disengaged from reality but he’s totally hooked up to the beats of reality TV. So, mission: accomplished.

White House staff disinfect press area after coronavirus outbreak
A White House staff member disinfects the press conference room on Monday, October 5, 2020.

Earn McNameeGetty Images

The President’s show is back and so despite what you see, think, hear and feel, it’s all good. His acolytes and various other human parasites alternate between crowning him the first son of Krypton and, oddly enough, doubling down on the attack on mask-wearing effectiveness, despite the White House having a maskless super spreader event there. 10 days ago. . From the people who brought you “when you test more, you get more positive results” comes “the president got it even though he didn’t wear a mask or social distancing, so clearly we should blame the masks.” We are resuming things as usual. The president tweet, another Egyptian sarcophagus has been opened that certainly won’t come back to haunt us, and various blond people who are distantly related to the president are either vilified or glorified online. Nature heals.

However, the question of whether the president heals himself is lost in all of this. “I could be immune,” he said of a virus he currently suffers from and is being treated for, echoing a claim many Mafiosi have made to their lawyers, often wrongly. A lot of people, apparently, became doctors this weekend online and carried out a diagnosis of the president and a prognosis for the days to come. I do not have. Since they were just passing their degrees on Twitter, I became an online architect this weekend. Look: brutalism.

Washington, DC April 28 A pedestrian crosses the street in f

The Washington PostGetty Images

So, I can’t say what’s really going on inside the White House or in the President’s physical form. All I can do is report to you what I see of this austere cement building filled with empty cabins and discarded masks. It’s going amazing.

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Presumably Trump is back to work sign blank pieces of paper and watch Fox News, as the founders intended. I don’t know what the HR situation is at the White House, but you wonder why he doesn’t take a sick day. Unlike millions of Americans who work by the hour, freelance, or are entrepreneurs, the president can in theory take at least half a day of regular nonsense, subterfuge, racism, and voter intimidation. who take their time. Unlike the millions of Americans who are unemployed or facing reduced incomes due to the President’s mismanagement of the pandemic and the government’s reluctance to provide a safety net for anything other than the stock market, Trump can also allow yourself to take a day off. But the president would likely argue that this is not how leaders run. “Team no days off and no masks!” he was screaming at close range inside with no ventilation. The president is campaigning on his determination to keep the economy strong, but what he hasn’t told you is he’s talking about the attention economy. It is booming.

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