On Day 3 of the Chris-course, I Gotta Go

ertn
Eric Reads The News is a daily humor column that spins politics, pop culture, fame, shadow and schadenfreude.

.

When the founders shaped our nation, they determined, in their infinite wisdom, that one of the foundations of our democracy is that when people on the internet say you have to go, it’s binding. It’s the law. There is no stay. Pack your knives and go. It has been so in every election since the dawn of time and it will be so forever. This is how we maintain sacred peace and retain the Underworld. Everyone knows it. Someone posts four photos of things related in one way or another and includes the caption “One gotta go” or some variation of it and the Gotta Going begins. But there is a disruption at the Gotta Go Industrial complex this week as a number of celebrities have gone rogue, questioning the validity of Gotta Going and, like a brave heroine in a dystopian YA novel, threatening to overthrow the whole system.

This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

Producer Amy Berg posted a version of the Gotta Go meme to Twitter on October 17, depicting four of Hollywood’s Chrises: Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pratt. (Note: In the interest of fairness and in consultation with my lawyer and priest, I will change the order in which the Chrises are listed in this article. Desperate housewives Billing and it was determined at the Sheridan Summit of the early Aughts.) As written in the Chris-titution, anyone, anywhere, anytime can post the Gotta Go meme and summon the Gotta Going. It’s like when the Prime Minister dissolves Parliament and calls an instant election, except much more serious. Even though we are only days away from a presidential election, the Gotta Going cannot be stopped and the nation has therefore once again put its tired fingers on the ballot boxes at the keyboard. So it is written and so it will be done in perpetuity.

This content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

The Chrises (Hemsworth, Pratt, Evans and Pine) are frequent subjects of the Gotta Go meme, but the brilliance of our political system is that four things can be put to a vote and sent back. Many remember the acronym Gotta Going from 2018 which pitted Skittles, M & Ms, Reese’s Pieces and candy corn against each other. I’m still deprived of what M & Ms Gotta Went when the candy corn was around, but I can’t question the fundamentals of our company.

While we are still awaiting the compilation of supervised votes and a Supreme Court verdict on Florida’s Gotta Go votes, it looks like in this Gotta Going Chris Pratt has been selected for Chrexit. This caused a lot of gnashing of teeth and tearing of clothes in some circles; dark times for our nation. But then something happened that shocked me deeply. I should note that I am somewhat of an expert in this area. I majored in Gotta Go Studies at Acme Looniversity and was nominated for a MacArthur Genius Award for my play “Chris Hayes Is the Hottest Chris” during Elle.com’s legendary Chris Week in 2017. So believe it me when I say I have never seen something like this before. The internet said “Gotta Go” and Hollywood said “Gotta no ❤️” After it seemed like the matter was settled and people returned home to deal with their memes and try to piece together the pieces of their lives, some of Chris Pratt’s co-stars have taken to the internet to defend the actor from … well, we’re not quite sure what, but a vigorous defense has been mounted.

Robert Downey, Jr., Mark Ruffalo and Zoey Saldana, as well as guardians of the galaxy Director James Gunn all posted messages of support, arguing that they rejected the Gotta Going results but did not go so far as to call for a new vote. Like a character from Shirley Jackson The lottery, the stars saw that Pratt had been chosen and shouted “That’s not fair! It’s not fair!” And now the Internet is on them.

This content is imported from Instagram. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

This content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

While it’s heartwarming to see celebrities getting involved in national politics, it begs the question “… what?” How does a simple, legally binding meme with no truly measurable results end up inspiring celebrities to start a revolution? These celebrities are going wild in the comments section and I fear for my safety. What am I going to tell my kids ?!

Has it always had to be like this? Perhaps. I have a permanent deal with all of my loved ones that if one of them runs into a Gotta Go grip on one of my Never Leaves (Angela Bassett, Regina King, Audra McDonald, to name some only a few), I will not save them. No! If it’s a Gotta Go and you’re up against a Gotta GOAT: See you later, I guess. Send me a postcard from … wherever you go when you need to go. Scientists don’t know where we go when we need to go, but Philosophers and my astrology app postulate that you’re either going to the Heavyside Layer or “come back to your career as usual because it’s a meme. Internet unrelated to reality. ” So, probably the Heavyside layer.

This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

Why did Pratt come to the Gotta Going? Voters don’t have to give their reasons, but Chrexit polls indicate some voters are unhappy with his resistance to taking a political stance, most recently indicated by his notable absence in an Avengers event for the Biden campaign. Other voters are concerned that he is actually secretly very conservative, also known as the McPheever capture. I spoke to a constituent of Gotta Go on condition of anonymity and, through tears, they said to me, “I am not voting a single Gotta Go; I vote three Gotta Stay ”. “Ugh, you’re boring,” I said.

Gotta Go voters point to Chris Evans’ activism in politics, dog photos and knits, the literary vibes of Chris Pine’s literary art (what some call a Minor Tooch, comparing him to Ultimate arty zad Stanley Tucci), and Chris Hemsworth’s height and build. what one voter called the “sexual muscles”. “I will not be judged on my thoughts of thirst!” the voter yelled at me as they left in their hybrid. The Gotta Going tears us apart, but it’s necessary. As a society, we cannot have four things. We must have three. So the old decree on the rollers.

But, now that the celebrities are involved, I suggest a new option for the Gotta Going. When the Chrises (Pine, Pratt, Hemsworth and Evans) are put to the vote again, I know who’s leaving: me. In the words of JoJo (first on the JoJos leaderboard) “Get out (go) right now. It’s the end of you and me.” But replace “you and me” with “me and me”. Like Patty in the classic musical Cooperative, I have to go. Send me to the Heavyside Layer or go back to my career or Chris Hayes. “Mom, the celebrities are engaging in Chris-cours; can you come get me?”

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported to this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content on piano.io

Source link

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: