Rep. Katie Porter’s Whiteboard Will Dry Erase Your Dignity

Eric Reads The News is a daily humor column that spins politics, pop culture, fame, shadow and schadenfreude.


My friend, if you ever find yourself sitting in front of the House Oversight Committee and Rep. Katie Porter pulling her whiteboard out of justice, know that it is truly and deeply over for you. My friend, the truth is, it never started. The minute his staff placed this portable Porter board on the little devil they use to transport the Instruments of Truth through the Corridors of Justice, it was a wrap on you, the ones you partner with and whatever you have done. As the Good Book says, “There you go, a pale picture! And your overpriced prescription drug name was on it. And hell followed.”

At a hearing on Wednesday, Mark Alles, the former CEO of Celgene, a pharmaceutical company, found himself staring at his blackout in his pristine whiteboard of justice, wondering how he got here. According to Porter, he got here by raising the price of the chemotherapy drug Revlimid without improving its effectiveness, a move that Porter said directly enriched him by $ 500,000. But she didn’t just claim it, she broke it completely with her Marker of Truth black chisel stitch.

“Do you know what the price of Revlimid was when it first appeared on the market in 2005?” Porter asked at the start of his questioning. Alles, testifying by videoconference, paused and at that point his fate was sealed. Porter reached under his desk to find his board and, if I was Alles, I would have immediately logged off, closed my laptop, tossed into a lake and changed my name. When Rep. Katie Porter walks under her desk, I’m stunned to the level of applause like in a Vegas showroom watching Celine Dion and the opening notes of “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” come from start playing. Talk about revelations! Porter continues to release simple accessories with absolutely devastating applications like a brilliant civic-minded Carrot Top.

This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

What’s going on under this desk ?! I imagine it’s like Mary Poppins’ bottomless duffel bag: she just reaches over there and everything she needs appears like my Clippy dude bursting through the screen of a Word doc every time that I start a letter. The whiteboard is like “Rep. Porter, looks like you’re about to destroy another great career in the pharmaceutical industry. Do you want some help?” And Porter responds, “I don’t need help, but you can participate,” as she draws her black truth marker.

When Rep. Katie Porter pulls out her whiteboard, it’s an envelope for you, old man. She’s about to dry-erase your dignity, babycakes. Thoughts and prayers. Porter led Alles, step by step, through the steady increase in the price of Revlimid from $ 215 per pill in 2005 to $ 412 per pill in 2013 to $ 719 per pill in 2017 to $ 763 per pill today. At each stop, she asked Alles if he remembered what the benchmark year price was and almost every time Alles claimed he didn’t know or didn’t have the numbers in front of him. Now I’m not a big pharmaceutical executive and I think I can cure most of what aches me on a regular basis with black elderberry, so take it with a grain of salt (it’s for digestion!) But if Rep. Katie Porter called me to testify, I would memorize every fact and figure in my life as if I were Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich giving his phone number. Rep. Porter would pass her truth marker over the shiny surface of her whiteboard and ask “How much did you babysit in 1994” and I immediately respond “$ 9 an hour but it was too low or was it too high? I’ll give it back to you. Here is a check. “

This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

One of the most exciting parts of Rep Porter Porter’s use of her whiteboard is that it’s not just a show; it’s an essential part of a flawless choreography that includes writing characters, checking notes, speaking clearly and decisively into his microphone. and demolish the executives who got rich from the disease. I have publicly stated that I am opposed to politicians using props, especially the huge billboards they put up at press conferences like a science fair for democracy. But I’m going to give Rep. Carry. She doesn’t need me to give her a pass. I retract my statement. She’s at my window right now holding a whiteboard like Andrew Lincoln in Love, in fact. She wrote on the board, “I’m giving myself a pass. Where’s that childcare money?”

Representative Porter’s Whiteboard of Justice falls into the Hall of Fame for reused classroom teaching aids for greater cultural significance. This Hall of Fame features Bart Simpson’s writing in the opening credits of The simpsons, Matt Damon in Goodwill hunting using a chalkboard to write an equation which, if I remember correctly, reads “How about Newton’s apple?” and, of course, Taraji P. Henson as Katherine Johnson in Hidden figures. Katherine Johnson had to climb a ladder write on a blackboard the size of a vacation home and she did it so you could go into space. Taraji P. Henson as Katherine Johnson had to ride a stationary elliptical to do math. Have you ever done so much math in your life as it could be used for wallpaper? Taraji P. Henson did so much math that Kevin Costner had no choice but to grab a baseball bat and go Field of dreams on a bathroom sign. That’s all she did with math. When Taraji P. Henson begins to climb that chalkboard ladder to the moon Hidden figuresI start screaming in the movie theater as all the Avengers just come back through the little space drains. I lose it completely. This is the second moment of classroom teaching assistance. Number one is whenever Rep Katie Porter walks under her desk to bring the thunder.

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, on their website.

Remember in college when a professor in a lecture hall was teaching so hard he had to remove the board behind table. You would be like, “Oh, I will learn learn. I see. Let me turn on this TI-83 and get back to it. “I hear that whiteboards have been replaced in a lot of classrooms with something called Smart Boards. What are these kids doing on these Smart Boards? Pokemon Go to surveys? Back in my day we had chalk boards. There was dust all over. We had to go out to hit the gums together and we fought for the privilege of work as if it was a treat. (TikTok was not invented so we found hobbies where we could. Like the pioneers!) Every once in a while you had a teacher who ended each day with a sleeve absolutely smeared with chalk dust like s’ they were prepared for an Olympic Gymnastics Routine. When they really had a day to set foot in lessons, the dust was also on their pants or skirts. You catch them getting into their car at the end of the day, 100% covered in white dust like a Scarface Halloween costume, and you had no choice but to respect the fuss while wondering what was going on in their washing machine’s filtration system. The chalk marks were a sign of effort. You’d say, “Oh, you educated the hell out of those young minds today, Sister Mary Clarence! You’ve elucidated the theorems of the gods and so on!”

Why am I talking about this when the topic is whiteboards? Because young people must know. When I pull out my little Porter portable board, the only lesson I give is titled “How things used to be and no, they weren’t better.” Meanwhile, Rep Porter is in Washington, DC absolutely schooling millionaires with a board that costs $ 30 and $ 1.71 and apparently no gum. Porter’s rep said “we are doing justice today; I will use my hand.” Oh! I have to go. Rep. Porter just came in with a white board and there’s a number on it that I can’t remember. It’s over for me, my friends, and honestly, I’m happy.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported to this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content on

Source link

Leave a Reply